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The FBI Admits to ‘accidentally’ destroying Hunter’s laptop

In what sounds for all the world like a slapstick display of coincidental incompetence designed for a satirical network of Trump supporter enraging Facebook pages.

“The FBI this morning, admitted that through a series of unintended events, they have “accidentally” destroyed the laptop computer belonging to first son Hunter Biden.”

Mac Isaac said he alerted the FBI when he saw the laptop’s contents, including confidential emails, Hunter Biden smoking, and having sex.

Witnesses have described the computer as: “in thousands of pieces, never to be useful again.”

Pushed out of the news cycle by the American election and its victory by 46th commander in chief Joe Biden, the investigation of the laptop had already been turning up absolutely nothing in what most normal people considered an attempted lame setup by Presidential attorney Rudy Guliani.

The lawyer had many comments on the subject in the media, each more cartoonish than the last.

FBI agent Joe Barron told the Washington Queefblaster Daily that the work being done was mainly just to prevent Trumptards from filling their depends with choco-chunks and described the circumstances behind the destruction of the planted “evidence.”

“We had the laptop in the ‘Bigfoot Department’, which is where we keep all the stuff we know is absolute bullshit, but pretend to look at anyway.”

A tourist group was coming through the outer hallway, and was erroneously led into the room with ‘Mr. Biden’s’ computer. The group included both actors Micheal J. Fox and Kelsey Grammar, who suddenly suffered attacks of their unfortunate medical conditions simultaneously.

“My Fox smashed the device off a table and repeatedly struck it, causing it to shatter, while Mr. Grammar’s irritable bowel syndrome afforded him to explosively defecate for over ten minutes on the pieces. It is completely unrecoverable.”

Other federal representatives defended the tale by noting that it is both more realistic than Rudy Giuliani’s explanation of the events leading into the controversy, as well as still being a better love story than “Twilight.”

From New York Post:

The House Oversight Committee will commence hearings next week on Hunter Biden’s alleged influence peddling, and claims he cashed in on ties to his then-vice president father to rake in millions from foreign companies, Rep. James Comer (R-Ky.), the chairman of the panel, told the National Press Club on Monday.

Ziegler, who worked as an aide to Trump trade adviser Peter Navarro and has published the laptop’s data on his Marco Polo USA website, told The Post on Wednesday that the letters were a “desperate attempt” by the Biden family to get the spotlight away from “their crimes.”

“With respect to the letters from the president’s son pleading with his daddy’s agencies to target those who expose his blatant criminality, Kevin Morris did not get a lot of bang for his buck,” Ziegler told The Post, referencing Hunter Biden’s fixer and “sugar brother” Kevin Morris, who allegedly lent the president’s son $2 million to help pay off his overdue federal taxes and has become the architect of Hunter Biden’s legal and media strategy.

“You’d think that Morris would spend $1,400-plus an hour on an actual tax attorney when funding Hunter’s legal misadventures, which Abbe Lowell is not,” Ziegler said.

“The letter to the IRS about Marco Polo is full of speculations and basic misunderstandings about the case law surrounding 501(c)(3) organizations. Hopefully, federal and state investigators will see this for what it is: a desperate attempt by Hunter and his family to get the attention off of their crimes,” he added.

Beginning on Oct. 14, 2020, The Post published a series of exclusive reports about the laptop’s contents, including emails proving Hunter introduced an executive of Ukrainian natural gas firm Burisma to his father while Joe Biden oversaw the Obama administration’s policy toward the Eastern European nation.

The reports were initially dismissed by former top intelligence officials as the product of “Russian disinformation” — only to be belatedly confirmed by media outlets including the New York Times, the Washington Post and CBS News.

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